Is it Intuition, or is it Anxiety?
It’s normal to have…unsettling…thoughts crop up every now and then during pregnancy and postpartum. From the surface-level (what if they’re not cute? LOL) to the truly scary (what if something happens to me or the baby during birth?), it can be hard to decipher…is this my intuition, or is this my anxiety?
Importance of Intuition
Our intuition is a built-in “knowing”. It’s picking up on subtle clues that we don’t even consciously realize we are tuned into, to build a bigger picture of what’s going on. Our intuition can tell us things that we wouldn’t have realized without it. The saying “a mother’s intuition” exists for a reason…there have been countless examples of situations where mothers have had a gut feeling, and upon looking into their concerns, something was discovered that otherwise may not have been.
There are many theories about where intuition comes from– patterns that our brains process unconsciously, subtle physiologic and emotional signals that we’re tuned into, as well as spiritual guidance.
Intuition is a fantastic tool in life, and especially in parenting. We’re able to follow our instincts in what our kids are needing, which grows our confidence in our abilities. We’re reminded and reassured that we are indeed more than capable of parenting. We are also able to pick up on cues that we maybe wouldn’t have without intuition. When we are only reading situations on a surface level, it’s easy to miss subtle hints.
Understanding Where Anxious Thoughts May Come From
So, how do we know if the unsettling thoughts we run into are cause for concern, or if they’re rooted in anxiety? We dig a bit deeper.
When I was pregnant with my third child, my 8 year old son told me I would die when the baby was being born. So that did not feel…great… Until, a few days later, I realized he’d recently watched "Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith". If you’re a Star Wars nerd, you wouldn’t have been worried like I was about his comment. In the film, Padmé Amidala, the wife of Anakin Skywalker (who later becomes Darth Vader), dies while giving birth. He was not experiencing intuition, he was experiencing anxiety.
Ask yourself: Did I hear a story that led me to worry about this? Have family members warned me that this is something I should worry about, based on something they’ve seen or heard about? (Like a Star Wars movie?)
Maybe your sister-in-law told you a scary story about her birth. Or perhaps it was an ad on Facebook for some product that’s supposed to protect your baby. Anxious thoughts are often our subconscious response to perceived concerns. When the seed is planted that something could happen to us or our babies, our brains register that as a concern- and then does what it can to help us. Enter: racing, anxious thoughts.
Reflect: When I have this thought, what are the physical sensations that I experience?
When it is a concern rooted in anxiety, the thought usually feels scary. Your palms may start to sweat, or your heart may race. The physical sensations are usually quick, and amplified.
Honoring Anxious Thoughts, and Releasing
We must remember that these anxious thoughts are not “bad”, in nature. They serve a protective purpose. It’s simply our brain wanting to keep us safe. So maybe we thank our brain.
After identifying a thought as anxiety and not intuition, one release strategy is to *thank* your brain for the thought and then release it. We can think to ourselves, “oh, there is that thought again about that scary scenario. Brain– thank you for trying to protect me. I understand that I am safe, and I am setting that thought aside now”.
The act of gratitude for the thought, instead of trying to fight against it, can be a gamechanger. Understand that the thought may crop up again (and again), and if it does, you can continue to use this script.
Strategies for Managing Anxiety
Setting boundaries with loved ones
This can sound like, “Scary stories are not helpful right now, but I would love to hear positive and encouraging ones!”
Remember, you may need to set these boundaries repeatedly. Loved ones have good intentions, and may feel like they’re trying to help. Stay firm!
Getting enough sleep (nap when you can!)
You feel sleepier when pregnant and postpartum because your body needs the rest. Honor it.
Drinking enough water and eating nutritious foods
Aim for around 90 oz of water a day
Colorful diet, and lots of protein
Mindfulness practices
Journaling, mindful movement like yoga, guided meditations, etc
This also does not need to be anything fancy, simply taking 3 deep mindful breaths counts!
Verbalizing our concerns to another person
This can help bring clarity to if what you’re experiencing is anxiety or intuition, as you talk it out with a loved one
Sometimes the “other person” is a trained professional like a therapist, and that self-care can be hugely beneficial if anxiety is impacting your life
So what does intuition feel like?
Intuitive thoughts will often crop up more subtly. They may feel more “naggy”, or constant, than anxious thoughts. Just a kind of “knowing”, that you feel confident about. It doesn’t feel as scary, it feels more sure. They do not usually have those intense physical sensations associated with them.
When you’re feeling your intuition telling you something, follow that nudge. Often where our intuition guides us is not to the places that feel most comfortable or easy. It may be a gut feeling that you need to switch providers, or that you want to nurse your baby to sleep instead of leaving them to fuss.
There are ways to build your intuition “muscle” such as interpreting our dreams or spending more time doing creative activities, but truly the most effective is just to follow those gut feelings. The more we follow that “knowing”, the more we start to trust it. And in turn, the more we start to trust ourselves.
