Self-Care Ideas for Moms, and Why You SHOULD Prioritize Yourself
When you think “self-care”, do you think extravagant spa days? Or maybe sitting on the couch with ice cream watching Selling Sunset? While both of these are wonderful ways to spend time in my opinion…they are not always feasible ways to fill your cup.
If you’re raising babies, you are busy. What moms need are realistic, implementable strategies for taking care of themselves. It is so important that moms are “putting on their oxygen mask first”. If you’re burnt out, you’re not doing anyone any favors.
Why is self-care so important?
When you become a mother, your priorities flip right on their head. It’s exciting, but can also be rather jolting…the babysitting gig that never ends. Suddenly, you’re in charge of keeping this other human alive 24/7. That pressure can make it feel impossible to even think about your own needs- outside of eating, drinking water and sleeping. The bare minimum for yourself becomes the norm. After a while, you start to feel like you’ve lost yourself as you have trouble remembering what you even enjoy doing.
Sometimes, some of us get stuck in this phase for a while. With my first, it lasted well into his toddler years. Even worse, I felt guilty for taking any time for myself. I began to truly forget what my interests and hobbies were. I remember specifically at a really low point, someone asked me what I enjoyed doing in my free time, and my eyes welled up with tears. I realized that I had no clue what my interests were anymore…or what brought me joy. My impression was that being a good mother meant being a martyr.
But when you’re constantly self-sacrificing and putting others’ needs first, you’re not enjoying yourself. You’re not as happy or fulfilled as you could be. You deserve to be happy and fulfilled in your mothering season. I can tell you from lived experience, a martyr is not a happy mother. A martyr is a mother who feels totally lost.
When we prioritize self-care, we are setting an example for our children. We are showing them that we love ourselves, and that they should love themselves, too. A study published in the Journal of Child and Family Studies (2018) suggested that moms who engaged in self-care were more likely to have children who understood the importance of self-care and well-being.
The benefits of self-care are endless, and there’s lots of research that’s been done to prove this point. More resilience in the challenges of parenting, easier access to feelings of joy and contentment, more seamless family dynamics…the list goes on and on. So why aren’t mothers all over the world engaging in regular self-care?
There are natural challenges that are pretty specific to moms.
When I was that brand new mom, why did I feel like I needed to be a martyr in order to be a good mother? This was not an idea that I came up with out of thin air- it was cultural programming. Moms are expected to be “on” 24/7, always available for their families. And we’re happy to do it! There is a sense of pride that comes with being a mother and nurturing your family. The piece that’s missing from our cultural narrative is the importance of also nurturing yourself.
Moms are often the “default parent”, and that can make things as simple as getting out of the house for an hour to go to the gym much more challenging. By leaving, they may have to explain to their partner what’s been going on with the kids all day, who may need a nap or a snack, etc. It can feel easier to just not go to the gym.
On top of the challenging logistics, there is the mental load. We worry that our families will feel abandoned if we’re gone for a few hours on a Saturday. We think- of course- we’d be selfish for taking that time for ourselves, right? Wrong. We have a task at hand. It is normalizing self-care for mothers. There are lots of ways to do it…and it doesn’t have to be an extravagant spa day. Actually, the best way to make it happen is to make it a realistically attainable part of your day, every day.
Self-care activities you may try….
Implementing an energizing morning routine. There are so many ways to show yourself some love in the mornings, and get your day started on the right foot. Maybe it’s ending your shower with cold water to wake up. Maybe you leave a water bottle with lemon on your nightstand overnight, ready for you in the morning. Maybe a simple skincare routine, or putting on makeup if you’re into that. Whatever it is, start with one or two things that you do consistently. Then, add more if you feel called to do so.
Spending time in nature. The wonderful thing about the great outdoors is that it’s always available. This form of self-care can also include your family, which is a perk for busy moms who struggle to find time for themselves. I often sit on our deck outside while my kids explore the backyard. No phone, no distractions. Just me, the sun, and the occasional squabble to break up…fresh air really does wonders.
Following a calming nighttime routine. This may be especially helpful if you have trouble winding down and falling asleep at night. It could be praying, journaling, meditating, or pulling a Tarot card to reflect on. Anything to encourage mindfulness to the present moment and reflection on your day can be wonderful ways to incorporate self-care into your daily routine.
Moving your body. This does not need to be crossfit or a mile long run. It doesn’t even need to be a quick yoga flow. Truly, it can be as simple as doing a silly dance to make your toddler laugh. Anything that is intentional movement counts. Your oxygen intake increases, your heart beats a little harder, and your nervous system feels more regulated.
Nurturing relationships with friends, and making new friends. Talking with at least one friend a day can make a massive difference in your self-care game. It’s easy to feel isolated in your mothering season. Instead of waiting on others to take the initiative, be the one to send the text. Or respond to a new friend's Instagram story. Or strike up a conversation with a mom at a park.
Practicing mindfulness and meditation. There are so many ways to practice mindfulness and meditation. You could make it a habit to notice three things you see when you stop at a red light. Or do a quick body scan when you sit down to eat dinner. It does not need to take more than just a few seconds, and the payoff is huge.
The key is to make these self-care items manageable to do regularly- ideally every day. It is the repetitive, predictable self-care activities that are the most cup-filling. Girls’ trips, days out shopping, and massages do qualify as self-care, but they’re not realistic to do everyday. They’re easier to push off and say you’ll do that “when you have time”. By carving time out of your day- everyday- for yourself, you’ll be able to maintain consistent self-care.
Feeling deserving of time away to take care of yourself doesn't always happen overnight. Take little steps- maybe it’s stretching before you get out of bed every morning. As time goes on and you see the benefits of the simple changes, it will become easier and easier to add on additional self-care items. Your family will be all the better for it, and you will enjoy mothering even more deeply.
I look back at new-mother-me and wish so badly I could send her this wisdom. She would’ve enjoyed those early years much more. She wouldn’t have worried if she’d be able to enjoy motherhood. She wouldn’t have felt like she’d lost herself completely.
We all deserve to care for ourselves. This love and care for ourselves impacts everyone around us, too. Start today. Choose something small, commit, and see how much better you feel over time.
